If you read my last post about not having a baby you may think that I'm just horrible for not wanting a child. I get that sometimes; "How can you not want such a blessing? Such a bundle of joy??" Stop for a minute and think about it. We're not all the same, we're not all going to have children, and that's ok. Think of all the children out there that don't have a mother or father to take care of them. Do you want that child? A lot of you would say no, and a lot of people just want children because they want a little "mini me". That's not the point of being a parent. The point is to bring love, encouragement and development to that child. To build them up and help them have the best start in life that they can. And as they get older help them as much as you can to be who they are meant to be, to the fullest they can be. If you think I am selfish and the only reason you want a child is to have a little mini you...well...I don't think I'm the selfish one.
I've often thought of adoption, I think I could do it and we've talked about having one or two naturally and then adoption another child. It's up in the air and it's something I'm very serious about looking into when we're at that point (I've already looked into it enough to know the basic costs and how it works).
You may still be wondering what's going on here "She said she didn't want kids". No, that's not true. I don't want kids now, and I don't want a baby. I don't love babies, I have no interest in having a baby. If I could just skip to two years old I would! That's one of the reasons why I'd rather adopt (most people that adopt don't want kids they want babies, I'm the other way around).
I've gone through a really hard time in my life with my parents divorce and other issues and that put me at a point of being really closed off and scared of being hurt. Long story short in all of that I didn't want kids. I didn't think I would ever want kids and I didn't think I would get married either because I just didn't want to risk it. I've come a long way since then and I know I will have children and I'm excited for the time when I want to but that time is simply not now.
I'll be really honest the idea of being pregnant, giving birth and breast feeding freaks me out. Women tell me it's just so natural and wonderful. Ok, I'm sorry but pushing something out of me doesn't seem like something I want to do. And having someone suck and bite me, no thank you! I'm not dreamy about all that. Kids are hard, a lot of work, and they'll drive you crazy. I know that, I'm a realistic so you can't convince me of rainbows and flowers on this issue. So in the end I need to wait because when I get to that point I want to be excited about it. I want to be excited about that new season and that new life. Now would be a very bad time to have a baby so that makes it even more important for me to plan ahead like I am.
I know having children will change my world in a wonderful way, and I know when I'm there I'll be so happy that we've done what we have, waited like we have, and that I'm emotionally and physically ready. It's going to be a beautiful time but for now I'm not having a baby.